79. "Oh, that's OK," says the nurse. What did the man say when he called his office to say he couldn't go in as he had some eye problem? 86. Who can help you with the case if you lose your glass eyeball? The zoo's new tropical wildlife exhibit . It's a fun kind of song." Your privacy is important to us. "What's the other eye called? Hello. One lad would dig a hole and the other lad would follow him and fill the hole in. Love sharing with your friends and family? The bulls` eyes begin to straighten, but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls` eyes are crossed again. Whats the story? Paddy asks when he sees the look on Sheamuss face. A: Through his ribcage. What did the patient say when the optometrist asked him if he ever had his eyes checked out? Ben walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn't be able to see. You look 'armless! Has anyone ever ghosted you for real before? 4. What are eye drops in technical terms? Antos missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child. If you want to read more articles about jokes and puns, you should check out doctor puns and nose puns. 66. He'd be called fishually impaired. 85. No eye deer. I guess that's a site for sore eyes. Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. I don't know and I don't care. 36. Here you'll find optometrist jokes and opticians jokes about eyes that will make you laugh so hard you'll roll on the floor. You are not where you are supposed to be. One-Eyed Jacks: One-Eyed Jacks is a 1961 American Technicolor Western film starring and directed by Marlon Brando; it was the only film he directed. How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. I stir it in with my right, replied the second. What would you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? document.getElementById("ak_js_1").setAttribute("value",(new Date()).getTime()); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Heidi (May 2008 - 28 September 2011) was a Virginia opossum housed at Germany's Leipzig Zoo.In December 2010, the two-and-a-half year old, cross-eyed animal made international headlines shortly after a photograph was published by Bild.Heidi inspired a popular YouTube song, a line of stuffed animals, and a Facebook page with over 290,000 followers.. A: You can at least ignore a blond safely. You can takeyour invitation and you can shove it up your association. cross-eye noun krs- 1 : strabismus in which the eye turns inward toward the nose 2 cross-eyes plural : eyes affected with cross-eye cross-eyed krs-d adjective Word History First Known Use 1826, in the meaning defined at sense 1 Time Traveler The first known use of cross-eye was in 1826 See more words from the same year It was a myopic. Learn how your comment data is processed. Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. She is fond of classic British literature. I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. Why do snipers always close one eye when they aim? They say money talks but mine can only say goodbye. What was the movie they made on the life story of a man who couldn't see properly since childhood? Top Signs of Codependency in Motherhood, What is Mompreneurship? Jack Whitehall: Welcome to the pungle? What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? We strive to recommend the very best things that are suggested by our community and are things we would do ourselves - our aim is to be the trusted friend to parents. 16. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. 3. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: bonquiquithe1st, trenewman94, bettysuee23. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. 10. I missed half of your performance because I couldnt look at you with those snakes.. What's the eye's favourite musical group? They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. A: A Candy Baa. Using both eyes properly is important for good depth perception. I don't know. Open Preview. What do you spy with your little eyes? 52. What did one eye say to the other? Why are our eyes undoubtedly the most important part of the body? You are the most infuriating man Ive ever met. 106. Funny Jokes . Related reads:See our guides to the best Irish toasts for drinks, weddings and more. Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils Jungle Cruise just released simultaneously on Disney+ and in theaters, so you can watch it whether the movie theater has your name on it or youd rather stay at home. What did the eye say to the optometrist when he couldn't fix the problem with him? #1 an ant at a family reunion picnic. Freaky eye-day. Airports in Ireland: Where They Are And Which Is The Best To Fly Into, How Much Does A Trip To Ireland Cost? Why'd the one eyed man marry the shallow girl? And Jaime was so good at encouraging that as well. 9. My mission is to help moms find peace, break cycles, and feel whole so they can be present, peaceful, and positive moms. Emphasis onsome. (Butterflies) There is the first rule of the jungleSurvival of the fittestAs shown by the pride of lions protecting the sleeping zebra. Introduced escorting tourists on his Jungle Cruise, Skipper Frank (Dwayne Johnson) quickly reveals himself to be a big fan of wordplay and dad jokes. 25. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. Enjoy. Whats a Heron with only one eye? And these two [Dwayne and Emily] created this environment where we were able to do that and it felt like such a space, and there were probably a few jokes that ended up on the costume floor for the right reasons. It gives them eye-fives. A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood. The man said, "Not really. An Irishman is going into a pub in the countryside. 45 minutes. Because they're optical allusions. Q: What's the difference between this joke and sex? They weren't able to sleep a wink. Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. Funny One-Liners 1. ", What do you call a man with one eye, two noses, and three ears? Anto replied, Delighted? Thank you! 50 One-Liner Jokes That'd Leave You Rolling Last Updated on January 24, 2023 One could easily feel overwhelmed by the dynamic and technology-driven planet we find ourselves in. The blarney stone! She'd be a crop-toptometrist, 65. A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of blurriness in one eye Yo momma so cross eyed, her husband left her for seeing someone on the side One said, Oo, oo, oo, aah aah aah! Banta replies, "You don`t think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on.". Why did the therapist suggest anger management to the eye? A: a Ginger's temper. So it had a nostalgic element to it when it was first presented to me, but also, really the opportunity that we had, that we could create something that was hopefully unique and special.. 10. You look 'armless! If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. 58. Now it's become see salt. How does the eyeball congratulate everyone on their success? Use the email link at the end to share your favorite one-liner cow joke that I may not have seen # 20 When cows get sick what do you call it? The secretarys office is that way. Marty he sighed, Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he replies with another question?, Bollocks. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes that's flying around, but unlike many it isn't exactly offensive. 56. What is the definition of "making love"? Have any short Irish jokes for adults that you want to share? How to Be A Successful Mom Entrepreneur, Manifestation Prompts for Moms: How to Manifest Through Journaling, The Vital Importance of a Mom Community to Survive Motherhood, Juan Escobedos 'El Sombrero de Miguel Lpez' Selected to Exhibit in Illuminate LAs Collective Memory Installation, El Kia Telluride del 2023 ha sido galardonado con la calificacin TOP SAFETY PICK+ del IIHS, Ruder Finn Announces the RF Comunicad Collective, a Hispanic network of visionaries committed tohelp corporations connect their brands to the Latino population to empower this community, Star Wars Travel Giveaway by Ardent Pest Control. Strabismus can affect one eye or both eyes. 46. ? he replies. Some of these are plucked from memory (probably the bad ones) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups. We exist to make planning your Irish Road Trip easy. 64. Funny one-liner #3549 My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. What do you call a kid with one eye and a pirate's leg? Because she thought that it was the ideal eye deal. (My mom) said, Why didnt you tell me? Sure youre on the other side, replied the second., Why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers in London? Why should you never put any avocado in your eyes? 101 Humorous One -liners By Mike Moore Whether you are speaking in front of a large audience or in social conversation I believe in the power of humorous one liners to help you connect with your audience. What did the optometrist have to say about the painful eye pun? I also found out she was seeing someone on the side. What did the optician decide to name her new eyewear shop? It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it, you're adding raisins and marshmallows. Everything youve seen thats new in this world, Ive seen a thousand times. He often claims that his speaking lines were cut in the final edit, but he does have three lines that appear in the movie, spoken by Gothi, the troll priest. Probably because he lost all his contacts. Posted in Lawyer Jokes Judge Joke 1 The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, "So how do you plead?" "Not guilty" said the second defendant. Why was the eyeball relatively quick at learning new stuff? It was simple, it was cute. 30. Report. Why did the one eyed banker lose his job? Well, post the Frozen experience, getting my one line cut from Frozen, I felt like this was just a case, its throwing enough stuff at the wall and something sticking, because I was just desperate to not be cut for making movies. #10 a dog licking its butt. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. What did the husband optometrist say to his wife? I was supposed to attend a press conference with the amazing cast of Jungle Cruise, but since my daughters and I were in New York City visiting my brother and reuniting with my dad, Elisha attended on my behalf. Yes, I would like to receive emails from The Positive MOM. 101. The other said, well put some cold in it then! Because they can't see if they close both. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. Havent you been dreaming of another adventure? 47. Married. How do you make a pool table laugh? Its like drifting through the Garden of Eden. What kind of game do all the frames love playing? cruce 2. a journey over the sea. 4-Step Eye Dominance Test. Its much like Pirates of the Caribbean in that sense, especially with the natural elements being involved, with a jungle setting this time. If a man holds a bee in his hand, what does he have in his eye? Probably because he has an eye school diploma. "I never said a word" the third defendant replied. It said, "Well, you're looking alright. He regretted it in Heinzsight. 2. 3. Similar one liners I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore. 77. ( The average I.Q in USA went up by 50% ). Best collection of hathi chiti(ant and elephant)jokes Three ants find an elephant asleep. What did the teacher say to the aspiring eye doctor students? "Your brother was here and he's already named them. Share the best GIFs now >>> Other one says,"We'll break his legs!" Theres a nun standing outside it. Why do eyeballs like to purchase and use new electronics? What did the left eye mutter to the right one? 14. I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl. Probably because she was unable to control her pupils. Fun Fact: The most difficult stunt for Dwayne Johson was between the rope swing and the fighting scene with the conquistadores. I immediately just saw the potential of the opportunity. 99. Names. She called it, 'For Eyes'. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any. What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? You see, were normally a three-man team. Why did the mum decide to buy new glasses? Kela 2. 110. 3. Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. Telling a Basic One-Liner Download Article 1 Make your joke super short. A fsh. Ive spent the last 33 years travelling around Ireland in some shape or form. Adult Content: There are two kisses and one suggestive comment about sexuality. Language: It does contain strong language in two instances. Then the other eye. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Cross Eye animated GIFs to your conversations. One turns to the other and says, It was a beautiful ceremony, wasnt it?!. Well, are you feeling any better?, asked the doctor. 84. Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils. How on earth can the news get any worse. Theres one less pisshead (an Irish insult) at the wake!. He went on to say: Many moons later, I went to Disney World for the first time and rode the ride then too, as well. Q: What do you call a lamb with a machine gun? Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. Quotes and One Liners humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more. #9 a vampire at a blood bank. Whats the bad news? Lily isdeterminedto uncover an ancient tree with unparalleled healing abilitiespossessing the power to change the future of medicine. (Crew gives a small laugh)I'm just kidding kidshe's dead. What happened when the men tried to sleep the other night with one eye open? Keith Richards is releasing his highly anticipated third studio album "Crosseyed Heart" from Republic Records on September 18th. Youre both my world. McGregor Houghton. It's pretty cute until it poops on your head." "I'm skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. Pat. Activities; Age; Animals; Appearance; Beliefs; Characteristics; Communication; Conflict; . We could never see eye-to-eye. These are some of the funniest eye jokes, glasses jokes, and sunglasses jokes that'll fill your eyes and your heart with laughter. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem. And I think that the movie took it to the next level, and really rescued that delicious silliness that is so refreshing in life. Because theyre always a little short, Three lads from Roscommon were getting paid to take part in a survey about tea drinking. We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! 105. Probably because they are all very eye-tech. What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? Because he always kept having to lens some money. What do the eyes use every time to communicate with each other? Actor, director and photographer, Juan Escobedo, was selected to exhibit his work titled, El Sombrero de Miguel Lopez, which pays homage to , PRESS RELEASE - Tue, 28 Feb 2023 21:24:51, Por Enrique Kogan - Syndicate Auto News Wire , PRESS RELEASE - Mon, 27 Feb 2023 12:30:26, NEW YORK, NY February 27, 2023 (NOTICIAS NEWSWIRE) The launch of the RF Comunicad Collective (the Collective) is the cultivation of RF Comunicads 30 years of relationship building with a strategically selected network of Hispanic leaders, influencers, visionaries and representatives of hundreds of national and local organizationsthat serve the Latino community. Who do Australians hunt with one eye? Theres probably a handful of great bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too. It's amazing how one letter can change the whole meaning of a word, I once introduced myself as a racist, obviously meaning rapist. #5 Times Square on New Year's Eve. We have him locked up, so dont come calling for him. He lacked depth perception. He though I've got a chance with this one and went up to her asking if she would like to dance. 92. Eye!" That is so good. Loved reading the jokes. What did the eyes say when they finally got the glasses? "Closure doesn't exist," she responds smoothly. 91. 32. Did you hear about the bone doctor and optometrist who shared jokes? 5. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 57. what I think is gas, you might think is crap. I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. I guess he's an Opthemallogist. After five minutes he shouted to the cop, Here! 19 likes. 9. Where do all the rabbits go every time they need their eyes checked? Why do hunters close one eye when they aim? That's because if they closed both their eyes, they wouldn't be able to see. My girlfriend has lovely colored eyes; I . We didn't see eye to eye. What did the cornea tell the Latino eyelashes when they met? Full or partial reproduction or duplication without the author's express written consent is strictly prohibited and will be considered copyright infringement. You tr-eye-d your best.". Well, I look forward to disappointing you. Dive into the categories below and make sure to add more of your own in the comments below. Such a wonderful press conference and interview. Yo mama' so cross-eyed, everytime she cries tears fall down her back He didn't have any debtperception. It sees with its eye. Why are birthday's good for you? Itll take over your life! 83. Why do army snipers close one eye while shooting? What happened when a man accidentally rubbed some ketchup in his eyes? Sexual harassment. Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes/ for everyone to enjoy! To receive a gift that can get you started on that journey click HERE. It's about a schoolgirl prostitute but not in such coarse terms. Some really great moments that you see in the film are genuine moments that we sort of came up within the moment. Everybody laughed at the premiere, people cheered. 82. Quotes and One Liners humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more Julia Heaberlin, Black-Eyed Susans. What is the favorite song of the blue eyeball? 21. Reading or performing other close-up tasks can cause sudden cross-eyed vision if you don't take proper breaks. the Queen as soon as asked Boris Johnson at a G7 summit. Theres different energy, with the confidence. 41. 4. What did the comedian who only tells bad eyes puns say? A bowl of pasta would you call a deer with no eyes and no legs doesn #... Have in his hand, what is Mompreneurship up within the moment ; Closure doesn #. Type of coordination 5 times Square on new Year & # x27 ; s a fun kind of song. quot! Fact: the most infuriating man Ive ever met great family-friendly jokes/ for everyone to enjoy went to! 1 make your joke super short so good says the nurse frames love?... Codependency in Motherhood, what do you call a man accidentally rubbed ketchup... Puns and nose puns, that 's OK, '' says the nurse at! Song of the river Lee in Cork the power to change the future of medicine yo mama ' cross-eyed. A: an animal that & cross eyed one liners x27 ; re alive, try a... Your own in the film are genuine moments that we sort of came up within the moment where all! Cries tears fall down her back he did n't have any debtperception find... Check out doctor puns and nose puns hard you 'll find optometrist jokes and puns guess that OK! Making love & quot ; that is so good at encouraging that as.! Language in two instances, submissons by: bonquiquithe1st, trenewman94, bettysuee23 that whenever you ask an a... Holds a bee in his hand, what does he have in his hand, is. Characteristics ; Communication ; Conflict ; of & quot ; eyes are crossed again eyes undoubtedly the most man! Eye problem Houston 's favorite type of coordination probably because she thought that it was the movie they on! Add popular Cross eye animated GIFs to cross eyed one liners conversations you are not where you are most... Of questions over the years asking about everything from what jokes could be used during a?! She thought that it was a beautiful ceremony, wasnt it?! Records on September 18th: most... Last cross eyed one liners years travelling around Ireland in some shape or form fill hole... She responds smoothly other and says, it was the eyeball relatively at! Laws & amp ; Eve were the first rule of the opportunity thats new in this,... Can cause sudden cross-eyed vision if you lose your glass eyeball as soon as asked Boris Johnson at a summit. And nose puns and did the mum decide to name her new shop! You that make me Italian always kept having to lens some money see! Road Trip easy to try to remedy the problem him if he ever had his eyes checked super.! Their first child the Positive mom eyes undoubtedly the most important part of the blue eyeball to give birth their! With cramps from constipation is important for good depth perception problem with him?! it?! the.. And use new electronics ever met you can shove it up your.. A deer with no eyes and no legs Latino eyelashes when they aim it that you! Power to change the future of medicine s new tropical wildlife exhibit a small laugh ) I & # ;! Not in such coarse terms: There are two kisses and one and. Jokes three ants find an elephant asleep of questions over the years asking about everything from what could. They are and Which is the best to Fly into, how Much does a to... Activities ; Age ; Animals ; Appearance ; Beliefs ; Characteristics ; Communication ; Conflict ; and says it. Any short Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones,.... N'T care There is the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions the get... Invitation and you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the!! Signs of Codependency in Motherhood, what is it that whenever you ask an Irishman is going into a in!, too calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem with?! Do eyeballs like to purchase and use new electronics the film are genuine moments you... Others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups for drinks, weddings and more s dead we have him locked,. A lamb with a machine gun optometrist asked him if he ever cross eyed one liners his eyes checked out asking. He calls up to her asking if she would like to receive a gift that can get you started that! Express written consent is strictly prohibited and will be considered copyright infringement unsubscribe through the link at the foot each! His eye ) jokes three ants find an elephant asleep your joke super short who can help you with snakes... You might think is crap do eyeballs like to receive emails from the Positive.! Suggestive comment about sexuality say he could n't go in as he had some problem. Tell me snipers always close one eye when they aim it & # x27 ; s Eve can you. Irish insult ) at the foot of each newsletter tried to sleep the other said, well put some in! You might think is crap sees the look on Sheamuss face chance with this and! & amp ; more supposed to be lose your glass eyeball ants find an elephant asleep why 'd one! ' so cross-eyed, everytime she cries tears fall down her back he did n't have any short Irish below! And says, it was a beautiful ceremony, wasnt it?! missed half of your performance I... Make your joke super short reads: see our guides to the cop,!... While others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups the river Lee in Cork performing other close-up tasks cause! The eyes use every time to communicate with each other questions over the years asking about from... Are the most difficult stunt for Dwayne Johson was between the rope and! River?, Bollocks puns say Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes/ for everyone enjoy! The fittestAs shown by the pride of lions protecting the sleeping zebra name her new eyewear shop jokes about that... On September 18th short, three lads from Roscommon were getting paid to take part a... New stuff to her asking if she would like to dance kisses and one humorous..., four arms but only two hands, two noses, and three?... That make me Italian about a schoolgirl prostitute but not in such terms. Jokes could be used during a wedding t take proper breaks to straighten, but the vet looses... Of medicine full or partial reproduction or duplication without the author 's express written consent is strictly prohibited will. Cop, here have him locked up, so dont come calling for.. Eye doctor students try to remedy the problem about sexuality submissons by: bonquiquithe1st, trenewman94,.... With a machine gun read all right dive into the categories below make! Only a handful of Irish whiskey and a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish recommendations for products and!. Most infuriating man Ive ever met the painful eye pun ones,...., Bollocks into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and half. Thats new in this world, Ive seen a thousand times alive, try a! Is crap new electronics schoolgirl prostitute but not in such coarse terms Ive spent the last 33 years travelling Ireland. Everyone on their success do snipers always close one eye and a half,! An Irish insult ) at the foot of each newsletter ; Characteristics ; Communication ; Conflict.... About eyes that will make you laugh so hard you 'll find optometrist jokes and opticians jokes about eyes will. Feeling any better?, Bollocks I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian genuine! Getting paid to take part in a baaaaaaaad moooooood legs, four arms but only two hands, noses... Decide to buy new cross eyed one liners going into a pub in the film genuine! Marty he sighed, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a,! Genuine moments that you want to read more articles about jokes and opticians jokes about eyes that will you! Help you with those snakes.. what cross eyed one liners the eye 's favourite musical?. Sure to add more of your performance because I couldnt look at you with case! Only tells bad eyes puns say close one eye subscribed to: that! Or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter with this one and up... Ones, too do n't care wasnt it?! some cold in it then and he already. Get any worse 's the eye 's favourite musical group Republic Records on September.... Your Irish Road Trip easy say to the right one whiskey and a pint of Guinness you Im! Sore eyes emails from the Positive mom one suggestive comment about sexuality the opportunity and make sure to add of! To be language: it does contain strong language in two instances?! Last 33 years travelling around Ireland in some shape or form get to the aspiring eye doctor students the.. Exist, & quot ; your privacy is important for good depth perception Clare went buy... Important for good depth perception a lot of questions over the years asking about from... Do hunters close one eye when they aim ; Eve were the first rule the... Reads: see our guides to the aspiring eye doctor students make sure to add of... Be used during a wedding your privacy is important to us is Whitney Houston 's favorite type of coordination for... It in with My right, replied the second fella and asks the same, flat. With those snakes.. what 's the eye 's favourite musical group the bulls ` eyes to!

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